Getting older sucks

"Oh my god I can't wait to be older", "When I'm older I'm going to eat all the candy I want", "Older people have all the fun". If you happen to be a normal person, chances are you said some of these ludicrous statements when you were a child. Now that I'm a few months away from turning 21, I'm starting to reconsider this whole being an adult thing. Sure it gets me into R rated movies, allows me to buy alcoholic beverages for some stranger I want to sleep with, and buy porn when that plan fails miserably. But is this really better than what we had when we were kids?

My seven year old nephew recently got in trouble for touching his teachers breast in class. There's a word for that type of person and it's not pervert. My nephew is a genius. If he keeps up this sherade, he'll have succefully gotten to first base 100+ times by sixth grade. The best part is he'll never get into actual trouble. Which is another downfall of getting older, we start to finally get into actual trouble. Punching someone turns into assault, lying turns into slander, taking your neighbors fun toys turns into GTA. How did life change so drastically within a five year span? Why didn't anybody warn us?

Naptime. Just typing out the word makes me jealous of every brat in preschool right now. I regret anytime I refused to take a nap. What the hell was a I thinking? What sort of medication did my parents have me on that made me make such brash decisions? I refused because nobody warned me what life was going to be like a decade later. One of the greatest joys of my day is coming home putting on re-runs of 'Cash Cab' and falling asleep to the sweet sounds of Ben Bailey. Ironically one of the worst parts of my day is waking up to the idiotic sounds of 'Ghost Lab' an hour later.

The proper way to present ourselves changes drastically in a ten year span as well. I used to go to school dressed as whatever the hell I wanted. A power ranger, a fireman, a ninja. I used to get ready for school, look in the mirror and say "you're badass, you're a ninja!!!". Not anymore. My wardrobe has changed from a collection of epic costumes, to a collection of Abercrombie, Polo, and Banana Republic. What would happen to us now if we decided to dress up as a power ranger for Psychology class. We'd be beaten up, or the class would be forced to write a case study about how insane you are.

The older you get, the more privileges you get. Well I'm not sure if I believe that wholeheartedly. Sure we get new privileges, but aren't we just trading in the old privileges for new ones. We trade our game boys for day planners. We trade our big wheels for used cars. We trade "Trick or Treating" for getting drunk with slutty nurses. Ok....I'll admit, that's a pretty good trade. The point is, doesn't everybody want to just go back in time, and be a kid for at least one more day. We could dress up, crap in our pants, and most importantly grab as many breasts as we damn well pleased.